Sunday, October 9, 2011

Poop Saves Lives

As a mother, I probably write/talk about poop more than the average person. Perhaps it is unprofessional of me, and maybe having the words "poop" and "fart" in my blog titles disqualifies me from ever being a respected writer. But if poop is wrong, baby, I don't want to be right.

You see, I believe, with all my heart, that poop has, rather unfairly, been given a bad name. Yeah, it stinks, and it's not easy on the eyes, but think about all the good that it does for you. People who cannot poop are not happy people. Just sayin'... So this is not only a blog, but a testament to what poop can do for you. Stay with me here.

I don't like missing church, though I am a firm believer that you can worship from wherever you may be. That's a rough transition, but bear with me. I have been sick all week with a nasty cold. My coughing has been violent and painful and consistent. I thought it wise to stay home today and not spread the germs, plus I still feel pretty miserable. That being said, I hate hate HATE that I have been missing out on all the fun in Buffalo's last bit of sunshine for the year. So Jelani packed up the kids and left for church, and I vowed that I was going to get out of this house.

I decided to take Selah (our beloved dog) for a walk. Sadly, I don't do this very often, because I am usually not walking, but running, and I am always doing it for exercise. No matter how hard I try to stop it from happening, Selah always manages to ruin my exercise with her potty breaks. This morning I made good and sure that she pooped before we left (but still took some bags just in case). We began our walk, and I began my talk with God. It makes me feel good while passing the time, and so I prayed.

Less than half way through a four-mile walk, she started dragging, which is usually my cue to stop and let her poop. I usually ignore it for as long as I can because I never believe she actually has to go. Reason being is that most of the time I do stop to let her poop a person, squirrel, bird, or leaf passing by can distract her enough not to go. Like putting the kids on the potty with a toy; I get no results. On days like today I become particularly angry because she already did all this at home. I mean, I don't have to stop to poop in the middle of my walks or runs! Why should she?

I finally gave in and let her go, checking my stop watch to see how much time I'd be losing. She pooped a good pound and a half more of poop, as if she hadn't pooped in days. I was muttering my annoyance while picking up her poop with only a bag between my hand and her waste. Not only was she interrupting my exercise, but also my prayer time. I was doubly annoyed.

We continued our walk, me with poop bag in hand. Of course there were no good samaritans with their trash bins out yet. I had walked about another quarter mile when I noticed a car speed through a red light. The other cars around him honked, as he kept going. As I approached that very intersection I realized something. Had I not lost that 45 seconds to picking up poop, I would have been in the middle of that intersection right when that car sped through the red light. You think I'm crazy, and that I'm exaggerating or making it up, but I promise you I'm not. Most people wouldn't know that for a fact because most people are not OCD like I am about recording calories and calories burned, and in order to record calories burned, you have to know exactly how long you've exercised and at what pace. I keep track of my times, my distances, and my pace every time I step foot out the door. I knew that I lost 45 seconds picking up poop and I discovered that it was a 45 second walk from where I stood, watching the car run the light, to the middle of that intersection.

Sometimes we complain because we're going through...well, poop in our lives. We're not always shown the end results, or the "what ifs," but maybe, just maybe that poop is placed there to protect us from stepping in an epic pile of poop.

I continued my walk with a smile on my face and a handful of a stinkin' reminder of God's love, wisdom...and humor. So stop giving poop the short end of the stick, because even poop can be used to save lives. 

1 comment:

  1. You are a very talented writer--thanks for making me smile!

    Robin Fitzmartin (friend of your parents)