Sunday, January 1, 2012

Ohhh, I Get It Now

Most of my blogs are pretty easily thrown into the "mommy" or "wife" categories, and while this one does resemble those categories, it is directed specifically to the single ladies, so take note!

Every so often I catch a chick flick of a movie where the single woman is either annoyed, turned off, or offended by a guy's close relationship with his mother. Occasionally you see one where the roles are reversed, but I can only speak from the woman's perspective. And I can't help but notice that affectionate fathers and daughters are much more socially acceptable than mothers and sons.

Of course Hollywood really plays it up and makes it appear much worse with mothers giving their grown sons sloppy wet kisses, and questionable, intimate scenes. In real life, however, you're most likely to find less magnified versions of this where the mother and son hold each other in longer than average embraces, possibly still give light smooches on the lips, and maybe sit strangely close together on the couch as if cuddling. And we, women who claim to adore affectionate men, turn around running and make fun of them to all our friends.

But here's the thing, it's terribly difficult to understand the dynamic of a mother and son relationship until you've had a son, so here's a little tip from a mother of a son. Don't be so quick to judge, and really examine his character within this relationship before you decide to run. Very often a man who is affectionate and loving with his mother makes a wonderful, affectionate husband and father. I agree that there are some things that are unacceptable, and that even the somewhat acceptable might be awkward and uncomfortable, but as I sit in my chair, snuggled up to my four-year-old son, who still cuddles, and lets me hold him, and still kisses me straight on the mouth, I can't help but hope that he remains affectionate with me the rest of my life. I do not intend to be a clingy, creepy mother, but I do hope that he willfully chooses to still love on me from time to time as he gets older.

My dad always told me that a child's love is the only love that grows away from you, but I believe that while children become more independent, their love can still be a faithful and unconditional love. It is just the physical and emotional manifestations of it which may change over the years. And my theory is that a man who can remain faithfully loving and affectionate to his mother throughout many disagreements and rebellions, might just make the most faithful of husbands.

I'm not naive, nor do I expect our relationship to stay the same over the years. I do expect that Elijah will be an independent man who prays about and makes his own decisions, makes his own sandwiches, and wipes his own rear end. Otherwise I will have failed miserably. However, I do occasionally expect some unprompted affection from my son who once needed me to do all of those things for him.

As I kiss Elijah's head, I ask, "Will you cuddle with me forever?"
"Yes, Mommy," he answers with a smile, and for a moment I can forget that someday, some girl somewhere, might wish he wasn't so close with his mother, and though I was once one of those girls, I get it now.  


  1. I have one of those Men that you speak of. I'll keep this short because this post was so close to home for me. My husband lost his Mother unexpectedly this past April. But I feel his pain even more when he watches my son cuddle with me, because it is such a reminder of the bond they had.

  2. Just beautiful and very wise words indeed!